Relapse
by ThatStrangeWriter
Summary: When AJ cuts off Clementine’s leg, she passes out and begins reliving important moments of her life differently. (Update often-will have final scene with Louis and Violet -separately-)
1. 3 Days Before

**Author's Note: I really hope you enjoy this, this was very fun to write and it was also my first fic. I basically raised Clementine throughout my life and this idea popped into my brain so...WHY NOT??**

**i WrOtE tHiS aT 2aM bEcAuSe...StReSs! ;) **

**(If you have any complaints, please use constructive criticism as I'm looking to improve and nothing else.)**

**:) have fun :)**

Everything was fuzzy. Clementines' ears were ringing and her head was pounding like a hammer to her skull. Her memories were all muddled together and her leg ached. The last thing she remembered was AJ standing over her with an ax, tears on his face and blood on his clothes. But why? What happened?

Everything was dark. She must be dead. She was probably dead. Right? The only logical explanation for AJ to hold an ax over her head was for her to have been bitten. That must've been what happened. But how? She couldn't exactly recall what had happened these past couple...years? Days? What was going on?

Everything was muddled. Everything was a mess. Thoughts were swirling in every direction and Clems' head began to throb even harder. Damn it. After all these years. After all those near misses, Clementine had always told herself that there would always be a last time. A last mistake. A last close call. But she never really believed it. Turns out she ran out of luck. Everyone had to eventually.

She got bit. She got _bit_. Goodness. Just like Lee. Did AJ have to shoot her? Most likely. How else would she end up in this situation?_Shegotbitshegotbitshegotbit._

**_No. _**

The reason her leg ached was clear but she couldn't do this now. She had to focus. What was going on? Where was she? All Clementine could see was darkness. If this was it—the afterlife was...boring. Clem was getting impatient. She wasn't used to doing nothing for such a long period of time (except when sleeping, of course, ). She'd lost a lot of people. Wasn't she supposed to see them again or something? Clementine tried opening her eyes and was surprised at the white ceiling fan bedazzled with stickers that greeted her. She used to have one just like it when she was a kid. The bright light burned and Clementine squeezed her eyelids shut. A pang of nausea hit her.

"_Clementine_. "

What? Who said that?

The voice sounded familiar, but she hadn't heard it in _years_.

"It's time to get up honey," chided the voice.

The voice was soft and familiar and it made Clementine want to stay in that moment forever. It felt like velvet. Yes, velvet. Silky and smooth and familiarly _safe_. Something familiar and safe just within her grasp. Clementine couldn't remember much, but she knew this feeling wasn't very common. Why couldn't she remember anything? Questions clouded Clementines' mind and the feeling of safety was soon overtaken by doubt. She felt panic rise up in her chest and took and a deep breath.

Trying to regain control of her limbs, she tried to move her toes. She felt lighter than air. Clementine was vaguely aware she was on a bed. Or at least laying on something soft. The sensation of her body sinking into the mattress was an unfamiliar one. She felt her eyelids begin to droop, lulled by the sense of security—false or not.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light behind her eyelids, and Clem jolted straight up, reaching for her gun. All the memories of the past few year came rushing back to her in a matter of seconds, searing behind her eyelids painfully. Burning themselves into her memory. Clementine sucked in a breath and looked down at her trembling hands, trying to calm them down.They were surprisingly small. She raised her eyebrows in confusion.

_Was this delirium? Was she insane? But how could she be insane when she was dead? Assuming she even was? _

"Clem, honey, you're up!" Came the soft voice.

Clementine directed her eyes to the person who was talking to her. As soon as she saw her, Clem's eyes filled with tears.

"Mom." She whispered.

Clem couldn't believe it. Her mom was right in front of her. Alive. Human. After all these years. This couldn't be real. Could it? No. She saw her parents. They were walkers. Her mother's soft smile lit up the room and Clementine felt her heart twitter with hope. Now Clementine knew she was definitely dreaming. Next to the door was a long mirror and Clem flinched in surprise. She looked eight years old. She _was _eight years old. Again?

"What's wrong honey?" Asked her mother, knitting her eyebrows in concern.

Clementine backed into the wall reaching for her knife out of instinct. She was disappointed but not surprised to only grab a fistful of a pink embroidered night gown. Her lack of strength worried her.

Her mother gave Clem a worried look and grabbed her hand and Clementine flinched.

Worry clouded her mother's eyes and she led Clem towards the kitchen tutting and worrying . The hallways looked strange but Clem felt like she had been here before. Of course she had, this was her old home. But still...

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you want anything to eat?"

Clementine, out of habit, asked, "Is there enough for everyone this time?"

She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. But who could help it? She was used to asking that question.

Her mother pouted and put a hand on Clementines' forehead. "Of course there's enough, sweet pea."

Clementine's eyes filled with tears as she recalled the old nickname. She had never forgotten that name but lately ,she was more used to "Goofball" coming out her mouth.

She only realized she said it out loud when her mother gave her a questioning look as she set down a plate of peeled apples in front of her. So many memories rushed towards her and squeezed her heart with such force Clem thought her chest might pop.

Clementine didn't know she was crying until she felt a warm tear slide down her face. She usually wasn't a cryer and didn't expect the tears running down her face. But then again, she didn't expect to wake up eight years old all over again but here she was. A startled expression was frozen on her mothers' face but she soon got the cue and walked away from the counter.

The front door opened, jolting Clementine out of her thoughts. It was her dad. The rush of relief caught Clem by surprise and she ran and hugged him, hanging on to his shirt.

"Hey,kiddo." He teased.

He took his off blue baseball cap and placed it on her head. It startled Clem for a second. Then she realized what the hat was, and let the familiar feeling envelop her head. Her dad took notice to her tear-stained cheeks and looked at her mother in bewilderment, confusion and slight amusement . Clementine shook her head and hugged them both as if it was the last time she would ever see them again. Being truthful, it probably was.

She would really have missed this a lot if she had been old enough to remember the details. The trees swayed with the wind outside and the treehouse stood with all of its iconic glory. It was where she first met Lee. She had helped him kill her babysitter all those years ago.

She had referred to them as monsters and justified their actions by saying they weren't human anymore. She still did that. That's the only way she could live with herself. But usually, she felt no remorse. When you turned, you weren't yourself anymore. Just a shell of a body. It was a cruel thing to let someone turn. Especially someone you loved. That's why she shot Lee and why she had asked AJ to kill her. (Did he?)

A bird chirped, knocking all of Clementine's thoughts into a dusty corner of her mind. She could hear her neighbors playing in their backyards and the ice cream trucks' music playing faintly on the other street. This only made even more tears stroll down her cheeks. Clementine felt impossibly small.

She felt safer than she did in a very long time. At that moment, she felt eight years old again. And for a split second, everything was going to be alright. Apocalypse or not. But of course, these moments don't often last long. As Clem pulled away, wiping her tears on her arm she looked over at the calendar. A red "X" was scratched only three days away from today. It had been underlined multiple times and it had clearly been planned for a while. A sense of dread hit her in the gut.

_It was 3 days from her parents Savanna trip. _

Clementine had to do something. She knew ahead of time what was going to happen. Maybe she could stop them. Maybe she could gather some supplies and hunker down in the treehouse with her parents. That sounded like a reasonable plan. Something in the back of her mind made her hesitant to execute this plan, however.

If her parents were with her the day Lee would stumble upon her treehouse, would everything go on as planned? They wouldn't go to the farm, nor the motel, the van, or the train, Savannah, Howe's, The New Frontier, and—NO. She was getting ahead of herself. Clementine couldn't possibly convince them to stay and even if they did, she wouldn't have met the people who practically raised her and eventually led her to AJ.

_And Erikson..._

Clementine hated her for admitting it but...

She would be willing to trade her parents for her original experiences. Her experiences definitely weren't the best and her childhood was far from normal, but everything that had happened made her who she was today. This didn't mean that Clem didn't love her parents with all her heart...but deep down, she knew this idea wouldn't work. She felt a sense of dread gnawing at her stomach.

Clem let out a sigh, hugged her parents, whispered,

"_I'm so sorry._"

**And everything went dark. **


	2. Motel of Strangers

**TellTale owns The Walking Dead and all of its characters—sadly. (Darn, I had some good plot ideas.) AND THE CHOICES WOULD'VE MATTERED mostly. **

**The reviews left on the first part made my week so I decided to continue this. **

**For those who asked about the ending:**

**There will be 2 chapters, one for Violet and the other for Louis. If you don't wanna read one—skip to another.**

**Anyways, enjoy!**

Clementine woke with a jolt this time, her heart falling to the pit of her stomach once she realized where she was. The feeling of safety she had felt just moments ago was now gone. She eyed the beige, peeling walls of the motel warily. She honestly thought she would never have to go back there again. (But to fair—was she even there? This was dream right? Right?) Clementine looked down at her hands to check if she was still eight years old. Spoiler alert—she was. Her forehead felt clammy and her stomach felt like someone was punching her from the inside out. Slowly, she got up, still marveling in surprise as her feet dangled off the bed. She jumped off, just as Lee peeked his head through the door.

"Hey, Sweet Pea, are you up?" He asked softly.

Clementine remember his voice. It calmed everyone down at the worst of moments—and made peaceful moments even calmer. Like a life raft in the storm. Clem had barely anytime to register his words. She sprung up and hugged him tight. She started crying almost instantaneously. (She didn't know why this was the SECOND time it had happened. She usually wasn't very emotional.) Lee, feeling awkward about the sudden emotional outburst, patted her back gently and eventually kneeled and hugged her back. Clementine tried to put everything she had into the hug. All the years she had missed him. All the times she followed his advice. Every time she had his voice in her head when raising AJ. Every moment she aspired to protect and teach AJ like protected and taught her. All those times she had shot a gun, hitting her target perfectly, who had taught her? Who had followed her across states and gotten himself bitten to get her back?

_Lee. _

After what seemed liked years with all the memories flashing in her mind, Clementine pulled away from the hug.

"You okay there Sweet Pea?" He asked, concern etched in his face.

Clementine nodded loosely.

"I'm fine." she mumbled and walked out the door.

The motel looked almost exactly like she remembered. The truck barrier, the chalk drawings spread throughout the concrete, the arguing. It was all so familiar, yet so distant.

_Home sweet home? _

Clementine trudged down the stairs and looked around. The first person she spotted was Lilly, sitting on top of the trailer looking important. Rage boiled within Clementine.

_That murderer! She's a criminal!_

_There's nothing you can do about it,_ she thought.

But something tingled at the back of her mind and she struggled to grasp it. Lilly didn't technically make much difference in her timeline. Besides killing Carley and stealing their van, Lilly didn't affect much. (That sounded a bit harsh, but look at the situation.)

Maybe she could kill Lilly now and save countless lives. They didn't need the van, and Carley being alive wouldn't alter their course very much—would it?

But how to kill Lilly—they certainly wouldn't expect it from an eight year old. Especially this early into the apocalypse. (AJ was a different case) Maybe Clem could make it look like an accident...

_NO._

_I have to stop. I can't change the future. Even if I could, I set off some huge chain reaction mess or something. The Butterfly Affect? Was that what it was called?_

She had learned this word from Javi when they had first met David. That seemed so long ago...but it technically hadn't happened yet.

Plus, if she killed Lilly, the group might kick her out of freak out and her relationship with them might change and she didn't need that right now.

Even though there were hundreds of reasonable thoughts arguing that she shouldn't do this, Clementine could still feel the rage boiling her inside out. While she was lost in thought, Clementine didn't notice Lilly get out of her post until she sat down next to her.

Clem, backed away slowly,

getting immediate shivers down her spine from even being CLOSE to this horrible person.

"What's wrong?" Asked Lilly, alarmed.

"_You._" Clementine seethed.

Lilly backed away in alarm and Clementine bristled. Clementine couldn't keep her rage in any longer—she just hoped this was worth the consequences.

"Do you have any idea how much suffering you caused?" She screamed. Memories of Violet *(or Louis depends on what you choose)* being captured were seared into her brain. And Tenn, poor Tenn. Minnie and Sofie wouldn't have been dragged in without Lilly. Neither Brody nor Marlon. Coming from her eight year old self, Clementine knew she didn't sound very powerful but by the way Lilly cringed away from her, she knew that Lilly could feel her rage. Clementine knew she shouldn't scream, it would only attract attention.

"Do you know how many people have died because of this?! How many people YOU tortured and killed in cold blood?!" Clementine whispered harshly.

(authors note: idk how many ppl Lilly killed before The Final Season but it must've been a lot because...Lilly.)

Lilly was now up against the wall and others were starting to hear the commotion, even though the were hidden in the mini alleyway.

"What are you talking about?!" Screamed Lilly scared, outraged and confused as to why she was scared of an eight year old.

"Shut up," cried Carley, from behind the truck, "you're going to attract walkers!"

Clementine cast one last cold look at Lilly and laughing ruefully, she spit at her feet and said, "You're asshole in the future."

Clementine walked away, leaving Lilly shocked against the wall. She would understand in good time. If only this wasn't a dream. If only Clementine was 17 again so she could slap Lilly full force._ If only. _

Someone approached her from behind and Clementine turned around, expecting to find Lee. It turned out to be Carley standing behind her and giving her a suspicious look.

"What was that out there?" Carley asked.

Clementine thought for a moment. After her outburst it was probably better to lay low.

"Oh, I had a nightmare." Clementine said softly, pretending to look guilty. She had started this problem , and now she was going to get rid of it.

Carley gave her a look. She was normally used to the fights, the bickering, and the yelling. But it was strange to see it come from Clementine and not have it directed at duck, maybe she finally reached the end of her rope. But how much rope did an eight year old actually have? Nevertheless, the problem was solved and Carley walked away proudly with a condescending grin on her face. It was only fair that she didn't know that the gun that was supposed to be in her pocket was actually in Clementine's hand. She wasn't gonna do anything. It just made her feel...safe.

Clementine was surprised that Carly walked away from the conversation so easily. Maybe everyone had to much on their mind to care about what she was doing.

Clementine shook her head and walked away, feeling lost. What was she to do here? Her time in the motel was probably the most boring thing that had happened to her since it the world went to shit.

Buried in her thoughts, Clementine ran into someone headfirst.

"Watch it!" She cried, getting increasingly annoyed at how dainty she sounded.

"Whoa, sorry Clem."

Clementine could've recognized that Southern accent anywhere.

"Kenny!" She leaped up and hugged him. She didn't know where he went after Wellington, but she had never seen him again, and was probably never going to. **(Just pretend you chose Wellington on this part—I personally didn't but there are basically no other mentions of it so it doesn't matter.)**

"I thought you were dead." The words slipped out her mouth and Clementine knew she had said them before and thought she would never say them again. She knew it was the wrong thing to say as Kenny stiffened and patted her back awkwardly. This was before all their history together and Clementine just felt a wave of nostalgia hit her and she backed out of the hug. Kenny just looked confused as she Clementine sprinted towards the ice machine and hid behind it. Everyone felt like a stranger now. She knew them, remembered. But they didn't. They were just some familiar strangers.

Why was this happening? Most people would be overjoyed to see their loved ones again. But not her. Lee taught her to let go. Because once someone is gone—they're gone _forever_. This. _This_ wasn't fair. It was messing with her mind. She missed them all so much. But why—_why—_couldn't they stay dead?! Frustration was threatening to spill out and Clementine began to sob. She wasn't much of a cryer but this situation was crazy. It was like losing these people twice. There were so many times where she used to pray that Lee would come back. Even for just a moment. Now it just _hurt_. She was happy nonetheless—but the grief took over and in the back of her mind, she knew it was all a dream. Was it? Clementine fiddled with the safety of a gun she found nearby her foot. Clementine didn't know why, but her leg ached. Sometimes a dull throb and others blinding pain that made her want to scream. But she couldn't scream. She wouldn't dare. She had caused enough commotion already.

Clem heard screams coming from the pickup truck. The guy they had picked up in the woods had turned. Naturally, her instincts kicked in. She grabbed the gun, turning the safety off.

She aimed and fired—hitting the walker straight in the head.

Causing her to wince and collapse.

It collapsed to the ground and everyone turned to her in shock, bewilderment and—in Duck's case—amazement. Clementine's arm wasn't used to firing guns yet so it ached sharply in sync with her leg.

Carley and Lee ran over to her.Carley grabbed the gun out of her hand. Lee scooped her up and took her away into a motel room. Her leg burned, below the knee, however, it felt numb. She had almost forgotten this part. Instinct just took over. She had to shoot. Nobody would have gotten hurt. Without or without the walker being shot in the head. But still. It was better this way. Yes. Would Lee still teach her how to shoot? Maybe this wouldn't affect anything because it was a dream.

The last thing she felt was Lee's arms around her and she was dimly aware of a feeling of safety before the world went dark.


	3. Wrong End of the Shotgun

**_This one's a bit shorter and not my best but I've been stressed and my mental health is down in the dumps. Anyways, thanks to the few people who are actually bothering to read this —you all make my year._**

**_ :)_**

**_Hope you enjoy,_**

**_Vivian_**

**_(Yeeeep, that's my name...)_**

Clementine was falling. Faces and memories blurred behind her eyes and her leg made her want to scream. This process was beginning to get on her nerves.

Burned into her eyelids however, were two cold, unrecognizing, eyes.

_Her parents_.

She wished she could've done something. Kept them alive. Even if it was indirect and she never saw them again. But that wasn't possible. Even if she managed to keep them alive, she probably wouldn't last long in this internal war and go looking for her parents. But she had AJ to take care of. And he wanted to settle down.

Clementine didn't have time for this. Or maybe she did. She had been falling for what felt like a couple hours. But either way, unrealistic hopes and dreams were going to get her killed.

But that didn't stop the unflinching eyes of her parents and the hundreds of "_What if"s?_" from invading her mind.

Subconsciously, Clementine felt the ground getting closer. She smacked down with a big "oOf.".

This reminded her of a story her parents used to read to her. Alice in...? There was no time for this.

Where was she?

Looking around, she was in a...warehouse? This place gave her a weird feeling.

Clementine looked at her hands. She was probably in her early nines. From behind her, she heard a soft groan. Turning around, she saw what she expected to see. Not that it didn't shock or hurt her even if she knew he was going to be there.

In front of her, handcuffed and weary-looking, was _Lee. _

Bile rose up in Clem's throat.

_Oh my god._

He was resting against the wall, his arm merely a stump, his eyes looking nowhere in particular. Until they focused on _her_.

"Hey Sweet Pea." He whispered.

Clementine felt herself quickly getting emotional. The man who practically raised her, taught her to shoot, and cut her hair, was lying on the ground.

Bitten.

And she was gonna have to shoot him.

_No. _

_Nononononononono_.

She could—no. His arm had already been cut off. It didn't work. There was nothing she could do. But there must've been something? Right?

"Sweet Pea, you have to shoot me."

"No..." whimpered Clementine. She couldn't live through this again. Maybe it was just an illusion, but Clem felt as if her BRAIN was nine years old again. That couldn't be possible but she couldn't shake the feeling. She had built tons of walls these past few years. They couldn't have all fallen so fast...

"Keep that hair short." Lee mumbled.

Clementine was aware of mumbling incoherent arguments. None of them were valid. But that didn't stop her. Lee _had_ to live.

Clem looked away. This was the worst part. The part that had constantly spoiled her dreams and made her nights drag on forever. Hands shaking, she lined up the gun and put her finger on the trigger.

But what she didn't shoot him? Could she save him? No, she wouldn't let him turn. What kind of person would she be? After all he'd given her, this was the least she owed him.

Clenching her eyes tightly, Clementine pulled the trigger.

She heard a faint bang. Was that a bomb? No, probably not. She was dimly aware of falling to the floor, her leg giving under excruciating pain.

She remembered that mini soccer match she had with Lee at the motel, swinging on the tire swing at the farm, falling asleep on his arm in the van, learning to shoot, getting her first iconic haircut. She remembered other moments too. But they were fuzzy.

Did she just shoot Lee?

No! Why did she do that? He could've lived! Wait..

No! He was bitten!

And it was all her fault. Because she was stupid to fall for a dumb guy promising her parents safety through a walkie-talkie.

Goodness, she was a failure. This was ALL her fault. How could she be so stupid?!

But it wasn't her fault. Fate happens? That was stupid. She chose to run away. Everyone suffered the consequences. Lee paid for it with his life. She, with most of her sleeping moments being plagued by the same gunshot, over and over.

How dare she still be alive after this?!

She had killed so many people! She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to live! It should've been her instead if Lee!

Around the time Clem's leg stopped feeling like it was being mauled by dogs, she realized how irrational those thoughts were. She couldn't change the past. What's done is done. But then why was she reliving these moments? Did Mr. Almighty up there want her to atone for her sins by making her suffer all this again? Maybe she was already in hell. It sure felt like it. Of course, she had a moment or two of comfort. But those were snatched away so quickly it left her heart raw. Ready for more bruising. It was better to have no moments of comfort then a short-lived one. Most people would disagree and say it was worth the memory but it would only hurt you even more.

_Was it really worth it?_

**Ok, so that chapter's over...**

**This is currently my first and only story and I don't have any ideas for any others. I don't ONLY do TWD but this is fun to write. **

**wait**

**THIS IS IRRELEVANT TO THE STORY BUT I SORT OF FEEL LIKE WRITING SOMETHING WHERE CLEM AND CO. FALL INTO AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE AND THE NORMAL PPL FROM THE AU ARE JUST LIKE IN TOTAL AWE OF CLEM'S BADASSENES (**_is that even a word) _

**_Alright, well I'm done with that useless rant. Just needed to get it off my chest. _**

**_XD XD._**

**_See you soon peeps._**


	4. Small Explanation

This chapter's just for explaining the last one so you can skip it if you want.

Lee's death affected Clementine greatly, since he practically raised her and taught her how to survive. In the moment she ended up in, he was already bitten. So she could let him turn or shoot him again. Lee got bit while looking for Clementine after she ran away to find her parents. Even little Clem thought that was her fault (season 2 when she meets Kenny). Which is why I made her act and think like this. I don't really agree with what Clem is telling herself but she isn't exactly in her right mind during these moments. But looking back to 4am this morning (when my thoughts are most rational) I think I made Clem not want to change the past because

1\. Lee was already bit

2\. If she hadn't run away, and Lee was still alive then she wouldn't have met Rebecca and the others and most importantly—AJ.

She loved Lee and clearly would've wanted to keep him alive. But if she did, she wouldn't have met all those people. If Lee was alive, she would've still gone with Christa and Omid. Since Lee was there, Omid might've not died and they wouldn't have been overwhelmed by those bandits who killed Christa and caused Clementine to fall into the river. That meant that she wouldn't have met Rebecca and Co. (the group had no particular leader and Rebecca was AJ mom so just stick with me)

Anyways, whoever much Clementine wants to keep people she loves alive, she couldn't change anything without altering what would happen to her in the future. She wouldn't have found AJ, Richmond, and Ericson if these were altered. Just a random explanation for you.


End file.
